I consider myself highly sensitive and find church a challenge. Thank you for how you've articulated your own struggle, that has been insightful for me. I have been learning to have stronger boundaries in church, serve less, say no, listen to my body's cues. Sometimes I feel angry at the demands/ requests/ suggestions it feels relentless. I realise I am attuned to the needs in a different way than others and have to work harder to not meet every need I perceive.
Thank you for taking the time to write, Jen! I'm happy that what I wrote has resonated with you. I rarely go to church these days but I am involved in low-key ministries. Do I get tired of saying No? Sure, but surprisingly, I've noticed people end up respecting you much more for it. Then when you do say Yes, they can sense that you really thought it through and want to do it, and the interaction quality is much better.
I once read on a resource site for HSPs that that moment when it finally sinks in that you cannot save the other person is almost like a rite of passage for us. It's a bittersweet, painful experience, but life gets a bit easier after that. If you subscribe to the Christian vision of salvation, there's almost like a divine element to it--honoring the Other's sovereignty is what God has chosen to do.
Yes that makes a lot of sense as a younger less mature person I thought being aware of a need was God highlighting a need for me to meet. Now I pause and try to discern the best response which could outwardly be nothing! But yes a bittersweet realisation but ultimately liberating
"God highlighting a need for me to meet"--YES! So familiar.
This will sound extremely harsh, but don't you think that church seems to attract people who've almost like made neediness their lifestyle?
They do it also partly because there are also people in church who get their validation from always helping out--so it is a bit of a vicious circle. I saw this pattern in my previous relationships (not exclusively romantic): the more giving I was, the more problems appeared. I thought I was helping towards a solution but the other side was just happy being perpetually helped. It's a super unhealthy dynamic.
A huge topic for sure. I'll definitely write about it once the holidays are over. But I'm glad you're making your own discoveries in this area as well!
I consider myself highly sensitive and find church a challenge. Thank you for how you've articulated your own struggle, that has been insightful for me. I have been learning to have stronger boundaries in church, serve less, say no, listen to my body's cues. Sometimes I feel angry at the demands/ requests/ suggestions it feels relentless. I realise I am attuned to the needs in a different way than others and have to work harder to not meet every need I perceive.
Thank you for taking the time to write, Jen! I'm happy that what I wrote has resonated with you. I rarely go to church these days but I am involved in low-key ministries. Do I get tired of saying No? Sure, but surprisingly, I've noticed people end up respecting you much more for it. Then when you do say Yes, they can sense that you really thought it through and want to do it, and the interaction quality is much better.
I once read on a resource site for HSPs that that moment when it finally sinks in that you cannot save the other person is almost like a rite of passage for us. It's a bittersweet, painful experience, but life gets a bit easier after that. If you subscribe to the Christian vision of salvation, there's almost like a divine element to it--honoring the Other's sovereignty is what God has chosen to do.
Yes that makes a lot of sense as a younger less mature person I thought being aware of a need was God highlighting a need for me to meet. Now I pause and try to discern the best response which could outwardly be nothing! But yes a bittersweet realisation but ultimately liberating
"God highlighting a need for me to meet"--YES! So familiar.
This will sound extremely harsh, but don't you think that church seems to attract people who've almost like made neediness their lifestyle?
They do it also partly because there are also people in church who get their validation from always helping out--so it is a bit of a vicious circle. I saw this pattern in my previous relationships (not exclusively romantic): the more giving I was, the more problems appeared. I thought I was helping towards a solution but the other side was just happy being perpetually helped. It's a super unhealthy dynamic.
A huge topic for sure. I'll definitely write about it once the holidays are over. But I'm glad you're making your own discoveries in this area as well!